"Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That’s right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce. I'm talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg."
Actually, Conan, no. Only about 19% of Americans get college degrees. But, I understand, you were trying to make a joke. However, it wasn't funny. Sort of like you weren't funny on the Tonight Show, which is why you got cancelled (after getting $30mm and crying endlessly). Just like your show now isn't funny.
How do some people manage to have so many unproductive lives?
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